History of the War in Iraq
This explanation explains the explanation for explaning an explanation of what explanation may explain the explanation for an explanation which explains the explanation for explaning an explanation, and in theory will explain an explanation for explaining the explanation for explaining an explanation explaining the explanation needed for explaining the explanation. This is the history of the War in Iraq. 2003 Halfassed invasions Saddam Hussein was shopping at an American, military Walmart one morning in disguise (he was wearing a false moustache) before going to the park when Will Smith just happened to be working there as a cashier for minimum wage for various financial and personal reasons and had spotted him and found him suspicious. Even though the Walmart was armed with thousands of soldiers with AK-47s inside and outside, that was when Saddam Hussein felt it was safe to take out a pistol and take Will Smith hostage. But before anyone could notice, a helicopter flew in and randomly dropped a bunch of pandas straight out of an Iraqian zoo and into a desert. But these weren't actually pandas. These were Kung Fu Pandas with all Jack Black voicovers for voices. It was obviously a fucking disguise, dammit, but nobody thought anything of it and when one went into Walmart and pulled out a pistol, the same method Saddam had used, all the soldiers went "Ah fuck, he's gotta gun! Run for your life!" and half of them hid in various places while the others escaped through back doors or used their AK-47 to shoot through the wall and get out before they were in any danger. But Will Smith was ready to fight so he pulled out a knife and managed to ricochet all the incoming bullets and he even caught three of them. Chuck Norris was also, of course, on his side. But Will Smith dropped his knife when he slipped in some chocolate pudding on the floor and he ran for his life as the pandas came in and took over Walmart as their official headquarters. America's response The government, which included George W. Bush (at the time) decided to do nothing. George Bush made an official statement, saying: :"What the fuck are pandas gonna do? You dumbasses are fucked up. Get a life, America. You bitches. Soccer-moms. Pizza delivery guys." Most people in America, mainly geeks and nerds, were Googling everything about Iraqian-Panda Walmart Invasions. About 500,000 results came up. The news loved covering this story, especially Nancy Grace, who constantly said stuff like, "Pandas invade Walmart? I haven't seen this happen since the Vietnam war in 1758" and other bullshit shit like that. Most Americans disregarded the possibility of a war forming out of this, though, and simply went back to listening to their iTouches and getting on their 2009 edition MacBooks. Oh, wait a second, this is 2003 isn't it? They were getting on their 2007 edition, then. 2004 Grenades & Atomic bombs The US government intends to start the war by launching several grenades at Iraq over the Atlantic Ocean, or wherever the fuck the middle east is, but the Iraqians really didn't get it and instead started dropping Atomic bombs on Oklahoma, of course, which, in turn, is what really started the war. This resulted in the US government getting real pissed off and so they start sending ships over there with about seven soldiers on them, each, to fight off the millions of Iraqian soldiers. It didn't work, surprisingly, as the 32 Americans who went over there were all forced to watch Iraqian movies, which killed them, brutally and violentally.... So George and Saddam played poker with each other in order to make the war simpler but when George won Saddam got real mad and took out a rocket launcher and threatened to sue himself if George didn't play another game. But Saddam was bluffing as George didn't play again and Saddam didn't sue himself. Instead, he sued Florida "for indecent exposure", he said, and Florida had to pay $30 million in return for a fine. ''The Day of Chocolate Rain'' The Iraqians like to call it The Day of Chocolate Rain because Americans decided to throw a bunch of chocolate bars off the Empire State Building and the Iraqians thought it was raining chocolate bars, which, technically, it was. But that's why they call it that, and that's what really got them pissed, too, because they launched a microwave at the US and it hit some old guy in the head. It obviously killed him. 2005 A lion takes over China In March, a lion named Copernicus survived a crash-landing that was the mishap of a very bad spaceship driver, and the craft landed in China's city limits. So, the deal was, with all the drama China had at the time, that the Lion offered to be able to help them but when he became president he gunned down everybody with a minigun and took over. Then, because lions are scientifically advanced in technological engineering, he turned all of China into a robot and made it stand up and walk over cities and countries and destroy everyone there until it got to Iraq. But then a random meteor fell out of the sky and blew the land (China) to bits. Strangely, a man named Bon Jon Hovi built China again and had a whole lotta sex with this Chinese woman and she had a billion kids and thus China was born and no one knew it even happened. Oh, and they used a helluva lotta miracle growth, too. But it worked. 2006 James and the Giant Peach A man named James which looked almost identical to Tom Cruise had a giant weed plant growing in his back yard and he called it "peach" because nobody knew what the fuck that was and it worked. When the cops came by he would just tell them that it was peaches and they would leave him alone. But one day there was this one cop who drove by and didn't even question him about it; he just told the FBI that the guy had a weed plant in his back yard and they blew up James' trailor. When he got back from Walmart he was like "what the fuck?" So, with this experience, James went all out on his bullshit and started fucking with his Iraqian friends and sent them letterbombs and shit until one day they flew over to America and stabbed him 307 times with a butcher knife. 2007 Tropic Thunder Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey, Jr. (all black guys. Well, except for Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey, Jr.) were actors in a movie and they were going to invade Iraqians with fake guns and knives but they got captured and had to use their "wits" to escape. This resulted in Iraqians fighting back with them by saying that they were "gay" and "faggots" and "bullshit-retards", but it sounded more like "#)*@$2", "#)($)" and "YYYYYYYY". No wait, wasn't that 2008 that that happened?? Barbie dolls attack There were some barbie dolls on sale at an Iraqian Dollar General and they decided that they were gonna go all medieval on America so they started having slapfights with the Dollar General dolls in America which really had little to no significance to the Iraqian war as it was arranged by two nerds who starred on some show that nobody's even fucking heard of. So why were you told this, in the history of the War in Iraq? Yes, we aren't quite sure either. In fact, we have no fucking clue why we added this section in for you...................Enjoy? 2008 The two presidents try to come to an agreement Unfortunately, however, it had no affect and didn't work. At all, dammit!!! 2009 Mr. and Mrs. Smith With Obama as the new president, he decides to hire Mr. and Mrs. Smith to take down the entire Iraqian soldiers, which consists of some 13,000 people (well over half the Iraqian population, just to let you know), the mission is an ultimate unsuccess and Mr. and Mrs. Smith are hanged upon entry. Down by the bay. Bitch. That's all that's happened, pretty much. So that's all we have to tell you about history. You can leave now. Go away, leave....LEAVE DAMMIT IM NOT KIDDING! GET THE FUCK AWAY YOU MOTHERFUCKING BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *cough* Just kidding. See also *War in Iraq *America *China Category:War